You Can Have My Isolation
by SuspiciousPenguin
Summary: BH6 Deaf Tadashi AU. Tadashi has been reunited with his friends and family, and he is feeling suffocated. Maybe all he needs is someone to listen. Check out the "bh6 Deaf au" tag on tumblr if you're confused or want more backstory. Slight Tomadashi. Title is from Closer by Nine Inch Nails.


Hi, everyone! Welcome to the first official oneshot for the BH6 Deaf AU that I started with my friend balthazwhore on tumblr. If anyone is interested, I can upload some videos for the signing in this story, along with my glossing of the speeches and such, onto tumblr. Feel free to ask balthazwhore or me any questions you want about this AU. I hope you enjoy the fic!

Also, if you are hoping for more of ResLifing Ain't Easy... I'm really sorry. I lost all motivation for that fic, honestly. I do hope to work on it some more in the coming months, but as for now, it's on hiatus. Thank you for understanding! (heart)

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It had been a month since Tadashi was reunited with his friends and family, and he was miserable.

He felt terrible for even thinking that, but it was true. Sure, they had gone out of their way to try to make everything seem normal, but all they were doing was making him feel weak, helpless. They were treating him like he was made out of glass. Sometimes, when Wasabi acted overprotective or Honey Lemon couldn't look him in the eye or Fred asked ridiculous questions, Tadashi just wanted to scream. It was all he could do to not lash out at them for trying to help. It was just… that was supposed to be _his_ role in the group. He couldn't stand being the one who needed help. It was killing him.

This day in particular, Tadashi had already been in a pretty bad mood. Everything was hurting. His mouth was still sore, he was having trouble walking, his shoulder had cracked really badly that morning and was only feeling worse, he had seemed to hit a wall where he couldn't remember anything new no matter how hard he tried… On top of all of that, Hiro had been following him around like a lost puppy all day, tapping him on the shoulder every thirty seconds (or so it seemed) to see if he could do anything for his older brother. It killed Tadashi, being on the opposite side of things like this, and he silently begged the powers that be for some kind of emergency to spring up in town that would require Hiro and his friends to don their suits and leave.

Tadashi could have just let it go, let Hiro try to help him and sit there and take it, but after the eighty-thousandth poke in the arm and seeing Cass make a big deal about forgetting some of the signs she had wanted to use (again), Tadashi had had enough. This anger at feeling helpless had been bubbling up inside him the whole time he had been home, and now, it was about to boil over. He stood up in frustration, throwing down the blanket that Hiro had oh-so-lovingly placed over his older brother's shoulders, and dragged himself up the stairs to get to the brothers' shared room.

Of course, Hiro decided that he had to follow him. Tadashi, exasperated, realized that he only had one place where he could just be alone: the roof. Even with the beginnings of the younger Hamada brother's growth spurt (and good lord, Tadashi couldn't believe that his baby brother was getting so tall), Hiro was just barely too short to reach the edge of the roof when standing on the window ledge. It hurt Tadashi's back and shoulder like hell trying to pull his body up there, but it was worth it to be able to get some time away from his family – away from feeling like he needed to be taken care of.

Tadashi's phone buzzed almost immediately in his pants pocket. He pulled it out in case it was something important, but upon seeing it was a text from his brother, he angrily locked the screen and put the phone away. This process repeated itself no fewer than ten times before he simply shut his phone off. Why not? It was close to dead anyway.

The cool, late afternoon air felt nice on Tadashi's skin, and if he closed his eyes, he could pretend that he was somewhere else. With the world silent and hidden from view, he could even imagine that he was floating somewhere out in space, kind of like that one woman he had seen on the news – the one who Hiro had saved. What was her name? Abigail? That's right, Abigail Callaghan. That seemed right to Tadashi. He felt like he should recognize that name outside of the news reports, but he didn't want to dwell on it right now. He just wanted to sit in peace and pretend that none of this had ever happened.

Tadashi didn't know how long he was alone with his thoughts. He only knew that the air was much cooler than he had realized and the sun had dipped almost fully below the horizon when he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. Startled, he jumped like fireworks had suddenly gone off underneath his feet.

Certain that it was Cass coming to see if he was okay, Tadashi shot an annoyed look in the direction that the tap had come from. His features momentarily softened when, instead of the motherly green eyes and bouncy brown hair that he was expecting, he saw the fierce brown gaze and choppy, black-and-purple hair of his best friend, Gogo.

"Hey," she signed. "Are you okay?"

"How did you know I was here?" Tadashi responded.

"Your aunt told me I'd find you here. Are you pouting because you can't listen to Avril Lavigne to calm down?" She teased, making reference to the late-night music battles that they had occasionally shared in the lab. When Tadashi was stressed out, he liked to blast his favorite Canadian pop singer against Gogo's indie metal (a local band she had discovered before she moved to San Fransokyo) and dance like a complete dork until he felt better. Gogo would never admit that she found it completely endearing.

"Funny." Tadashi replied with a dryly sarcastic eye roll. He turned away and set his jaw.

Gogo sighed and placed a firm hand onto Tadashi's shoulder. "Do you mind if I sit down?"

He gestured to the empty space beside him and shrugged. As she sat down, he waved his hand to get her attention. "What are you doing here? You hate heights."

The short girl scoffed. "I wanted to see you, nerd."

He replied with a small almost-smile, more a lift of the corner of his lips than anything, before turning away again. "You don't need to take care of me," he signed quickly, still looking away.

Gogo took hold of Tadashi's upper arm and held it until he looked at her. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing." Tadashi responded.

"Liar." Gogo squinted at him.

"Nothing!" Tadashi insisted.

"Why won't you talk to me?" She signed back.

"Unbelievable," he responded, shaking his head. "You know the answer to that."

"You know what I meant." Gogo persisted. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Tell me."

"Why won't you all leave me alone?" Tadashi exploded, forcefully shrugging her hand off of his shoulder. He looked out over the city, at his shoes, anywhere but at Gogo's face. She did not touch him or try to get his attention in any way. After a long, slightly uncomfortable moment, Tadashi finally peeked over at his friend to see if she was still there. She hadn't left; instead, she was watching him carefully. Seeing that she had his attention, she sighed and began signing.

"Listen, Tadashi," she began, her hands uncharacteristically slow and careful, "I know you're scared and confused and think you're alone, but I don't think you realize that we're hurting, too." She bit her lip and swallowed hard before continuing. "We just want to… Understand you and communicate with you, but we can't do that if you won't let us help you."

By now, Gogo's façade was beginning to crack, her lower lip trembling and her eyelids fluttering. She struggled a little bit with some of the signs, but she went on. "It… Breaks my heart to see you so upset." She gave a half-hearted chuckle and a small shrug. "I know my signing is… Slow and awkward, but I'm trying. You know why? You're still the same sweet, funny guy you've always been, and I will always be your best friend."

She placed a comforting hand on top of his and paused for a moment. "You want to be sad? Fine. But you need to know that we love you." Gogo stopped and took a breath, steeling herself up to clarify, "I love you… And we need help, too."

By now, Tadashi was staring at Gogo, mouth hanging slightly open in shock. He didn't know how to react. He seemed frozen, unable to move. This was probably the most emotional that he had ever seen Gogo. In none of their shared moments that he could remember had she ever looked so… Vulnerable.

"I should go." Gogo finally signed, getting up and teetering nervously over to the ledge so she could get back into the house. "Good night, Tadashi."

That seemed to break him of his trance. Just before Gogo was out of reach, his hand shot up and grabbed her wrist. She looked back in confusion as he pulled her back to his side. "No…" he signed. "Please, stay."

Gogo was hesitant, but when she saw the tears glistening in the corners of Tadashi's eyes, she lowered herself to a seated position. He immediately wrapped his arms around her and scooped her up onto his lap, her face resting against his chest and his chin on top of her head. His body shook, and Gogo could feel the top of her head getting wet from the silent tears. She moved her arms into a position where she could gently rub Tadashi's back.

They stayed like this for several minutes, the warmth of another body and the reassuring touch of her hand on his back calming Tadashi down significantly.

"I'm sorry," he signed as he pulled away slightly.

"You don't need to be sorry." Gogo reassured him with a friendly eye-roll.

"No, I do need to." Tadashi responded. "I've been really rude, and I'm always causing too much trouble. I just feel… Useless."

Gogo reached a hand up to wipe some of the tears from under his eye. "You're not useless. You're really brave. You just needed to know that nothing is different." She lifted herself further up on his lap and placed a small, soft kiss on his cheek. "You're still my best friend."

Tadashi pulled Gogo into another embrace. He ran a soft hand through the back of her shaggy locks. They sat like this for a while. He spent that time thinking about how lucky he was to have such a great friend while she reflected on how right he was – the team had barely let Tadashi do anything for himself since they were reunited back at the hospital. Her thoughts were interrupted when Tadashi got up the courage to place a return kiss on the top of her head. He could feel Gogo smiling against his shoulder.

Tadashi leaned slightly away from his friend and placed a finger under her chin to get her to look up at him. She pulled away, as well, to allow him to sign, "thank you. You're a great friend."

Gogo shrugged. "I care about you."

Tadashi chuckled softly, a little embarrassed. He was almost glad that they couldn't speak out loud; it would pop the bubble of this tender moment. "That was really good, you know."

"What was?" She asked.

"That speech. Your signing. It was really good." He shrugged with a half-smile.

"Practice." Gogo smirked up at him. She flicked her eyes toward the ledge. "Come on. We should go tell Hiro and your aunt that you're okay." She stood up and offered a hand to him. Tadashi hesitated, not initially wanting to take it, but he thought for a moment and accepted her help.

"Want me to go first?" He teased Gogo.

"Yes." She nodded decisively. "Help me get in safely?"

"I promise." Tadashi responded with a quick hug around the waist. They climbed back through the window (and oh good lord, was Gogo wishing that Tadashi had picked a less terrifying place to be alone). As Gogo started heading toward the door of the boys' room (which she had made sure to close and lock before going up onto the roof), she felt a hand enveloping her wrist again. She raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Maybe…" Tadashi shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe you should go talk to them. Alone. Then maybe… come back here?"

Gogo lifted her hands to protest, but she saw the look in Tadashi's eyes and nodded, standing up on her tiptoes to give him another kiss on the cheek before she left. "Tell them I'm sorry," Tadashi signed to her as she lowered herself.

"Promise." Gogo responded, sending him her signature two-finger salute and turning to unlock the door.

While Gogo was speaking to his family, Tadashi changed into his comfiest pajama pants and a soft, long-sleeved top that covered the majority of his burn scars. He paused, hand reaching for the pajama drawer, debating if he should get anything out to offer to Gogo. He eventually settled on grabbing a pair of his boxer shorts and a tee shirt, hoping that it would be warm enough for her (he knew how easily she got cold).

When Gogo returned, Tadashi offered her the change of clothing, which she refused. "I'm fine wearing this," she shrugged off her jacket and insisted, gesturing down to the yoga pants and tank top that she was already in.

"Okay." Tadashi nodded. He stretched his arms out in front of his body, his shoulder popping quite uncomfortably as he did so, and began walking over to his bed. Gogo could see that each step was still very painful, so she took it upon herself to be his human crutch and get him into bed. That meant, of course, that she had no other choice once they arrived there but to join him under the covers.

They spent the whole night like that, Tadashi cuddling Gogo to him in various positions and Gogo rubbing Tadashi's back and arms to remind him that she was still there, both of them drifting into and out of consciousness.

It was after one of these small naps that Gogo woke up to feel Tadashi's shaky, tear-filled breath on the back of her neck. She slowly reached for one of his hands and brought it to her lips. He sniffled and gave her a small hug of gratitude. Gogo responded by untangling herself from his grasp and signing a quick "are you okay?"

"Yes." Tadashi nodded. "I'm glad you're here."

Gogo smiled in return and laid another soft kiss on his hand.

They stayed in this position, with Gogo breathing onto his knuckles and Tadashi gazing into her eyes, for a long time. Any sudden move, it seemed, would break the moment.

Eventually, Tadashi gently separated his hand from her grip and signed carefully, "you know… This is the most," he struggled to find the sign he was looking for before giving up and deciding to just fingerspell it, "intimate moment we've had sober."

Gogo furrowed her eyebrows and repeated the sign for 'sober' back to him.

"'Sober'," Tadashi nodded. "Like… No alcohol."

"Oh." Gogo nodded thoughtfully. "I think you're right." She scooted herself in a little closer. "I like this."

"Me, too." Tadashi replied. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into another cuddle. "Me, too."


End file.
